Sample 1 of Redneck Wedding Vows

Here is a sample redneck wedding vow sent in by one of the readers of our website. If you have another sample you'd like to add we would like to see it.

Sample 1 Redneck Wedding Vow

I Cletis, take you Bertha, to be not only my half sister and cousin, but to be my lawfully wedded aunt. I knew the minute I met you at the county fair, when i looked into your only eye as you were leaning against the ferris wheel making it tip. that you were the one for me.

Bertha, when you smiled at me and i saw your one slightly chipped tooth, I tingled all over. I knew that tooth of yours was perfect for openin those dang beer bottle tops. As the sun glistened off your greasy hair all up in curlers i got warm in the fuzzy places.

When I finally got you home that night and unscrewed your wooden leg so I wouldn't get splinters, i couldn't wait to see what else you had to hide. I was surprised to find that we both had the same equipment but I knew it was nothing to worry about cause for $50.00 and a 6 pack, Dr. Snip could chop those things off in a flash. That night was magical, even though the termites ate your leg and you had to hop home.

Bertha, I am so glad you are going to be my wife, half sister, aunt cousin. I promise to always leave a mouth full of beer for you in the bottom of the can and to only ask you to lift up the back of the car on Sundays when the garage is closed.
Your lawfully wedded uncle, Cletis