Redneck
Wedding Vows
Redneck wedding vows fall under the humor category
unless you happen to be the recipient. If you've ever actually heard
redneck wedding vows then that means you've either been to a hillbilly
wedding or been in one. If either has occurred then our condolences.
In order for there to be redneck wedding vows, one would only assume
rightfully so that a redneck wedding has to have taken place first.
Appropriate locations for reciting the redneck wedding vows will
be inside the back of a pickup truck in the Wal-Mart parking lot
or outside of a NASCAR race.
To recite redneck wedding vows willfully and with gusto the mood
must be set before time. Guests with beer cans, cigarettes, missing
teeth, coon dogs, guns and wearing lots of camouflage is a must.
In fact, if both the bride and groom are wearing camouflage this
is a bonus.
As the bride walks down the isle, marching to Lynyrd Skynyrd's
"Free Bird" or "Sweet Home Alabama," and a cardboard
cutout of Jeff Foxworthy in the front row, the guests will be spitting
their tobacco left and right. This is perfectly acceptable redneck
etiquette.
Now, if you happen to be wondering just what redneck wedding vows
are, here are few samples:
- I, Zeke, take you Wanda, to be my wife, to so that you clean
up my beer cans and wipe the foam off my mouth when I've had too
much to drink. Be good to my dog, and we'll get along just fine.
- With this beer tab, I thee wed. Don't nag me or take the guns
from my gun rack without asking. In the Lord's name, Amen.
- I take you to be my cherished partner, to go with me to all
NASCAR races and to stay home and rear our batch of toothless
and shoeless children. I promise to protect you using lethal force
if necessary and if I'm not too drunk.
- As the Lord and friends today are my witness, I promise to be
good to you and your gabby friends, not make you do too much housework
and come back every several days even when I'm out hunting.
- To my kissing cousin, I thee wed, I promise not to give you
the gene that will cause a bunch of high forehead children. I
also promise not to get drunk on Thursdays and to bring home a
possum and a coon every once in a while for dinner.
These are only a few samples of redneck wedding vows that have
been spoken over the years. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Or send us your own funny wedding
vows as we would indeed like to see them.
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